In the last few months I’ve been getting a bit more inconsistent with updating this, my little place on the web. I haven’t stopped writing, I’ve been writing more than I ever have before in my life, I’ve just been doing it over at KiKi & Tea, and this blog has been forgotten. But I don’t know if it’s intentional.
In the last few months it’s become increasingly apparent to me how much of my life I live online. Even more so with some health problems my husband has been facing and, to be completely honest with you, I wasn’t even aware of. I’ve always been a social person, always been willing to be there for other people and happy to drop everything at a moment’s notice to be with someone who needs me. The things is, in recent times I’ve been doing that in the online world, and not concentrating on the people in my life who need my time as well. The people who are the closest to me have been asking for my attention, and their calls have fallen on deaf ears.
I’ve been working really hard on getting KiKi & Tea to where I want it to be. And with the stepping down of JJ to make me the Editor in Chief, the pressure has been higher than ever. Every facebook update that goes out, every tweet, every post – they are all proofed, scheduled, sent by me. It’s become a full time job and I still love it, but it’s meant that this place, this little spot on the web, is falling by the wayside. And worse than that, my friends and family are too.
What really brought this home to me was a few minutes ago, when I stopped by my friend Bec’s blog, to check in on her. Yes, that’s right. She’s my friend, who has known me since the day I was born, who lived just 10 houses away for almost 20 years. And I checked her blog to see what was going on in her life. And you know what I learnt? She had a cancer scare.
How could I not have known that?
But I didn’t. And it’s made me question everything.
Everything in my life now is judged by numbers. The number of page views KK&T receives, the number of likes we have on facebook, or followers on twitter. The number of posts I have scheduled for the week. The number of followers I have on twitter, retweets I’ve received, replies I’ve had or new facebook friend requests.
I’m feeling pretty exhausted from all the numbers.
What is the solution? Right now I don’t know. I don’t have the answers. But the future of this blog, for me, is unknown.
Edit: I have editors on KK&T who will help me, I just need to get better at asking.